Request to Just Give Him a Chance Denied

To Whom It May Concern:

I have received and processed your request that I just give him a chance. I have carefully considered the reasons why I should just give him a chance, including

  • “He’s a really nice guy”
  • “He’ll grow on you”
  • “He didn’t mean it”
  • “Nobody’s perfect”
  • “Boys will be boys”

While these are all compelling arguments, I have determined that the following conditions exempt me from the obligation to give him a chance:

  • I possess no interest whatsoever in said person
  • I prefer to focus on other things at the moment
  • Said person has behaved like a total asshole in my presence
  • Said person annoys the living shit out of me

I have taken into consideration my guilt over not fulfilling said person’s desires and determined that, unfortunately, my own desires must take priority at this time.

Your petition demonstrates impressive mastery of the reasons he might want a chance but a weaker grasp of my personal agency.

I understand and consent to the possibility of missing out on a potential Beauty and the Beast-like transformation in which my opinion of said person spontaneously reverses.

I hereby forgo my right to be “swept off my feet,” “won over,” and otherwise passively bestowed with emotions that go against my better judgment.


Director of the Department of Chance Distribution

You are receiving this letter because you have submitted a request to the Department of Chance Distribution. Please note that appeals will take 3-5 business days to process.

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