“Today” (poem performed in spoken word show)

Today awoke to see me inside the window

Insulted that I didn’t want to face it.

 

I didn’t mean it personally, but I disliked today, as it was the due date for my paper.

 

And nobody likes due dates.  Perhaps double dates or dinner dates or even blind dates, but not due dates.

 

Today tapped my shoulder but I told it I was sick.  I don’t know who made that decision: me or today.  Or yesterday. Yesterday I worried myself sick over a paper so that I wasn’t well enough to have to hand it in today.

Today told me I would feel better if it could have my paper please.

 

I closed my eyes and pretended it was night.

 

But thoughts are like ghosts, they haunt relentlessly if you don’t entertain them, sleeping only when they decide to.

 

Today these ghosts made me reminisce on past loves – likes, actually –

Today I felt romantic enough to call it love though.

Was it what it seems in retrospect, or what it seemed in the misdst of it all?

 

In the mist

trees with leaves

get everybody hot and bothered. Have you noticed?

It’s really bizarre.

 

I walked past the sun today.

It blinded me.

Some things are harder to see in the light.

 

Some things are easier to lose in the night.

I lost him in the dark so I missed the look on his face

And left my memory to reconstruct the image:

 

The last I saw he was behind a soon-to-be-slammed door

The memory is cinematic though I’m sure it looked quite blurry through my eyes

I hit play, pause and rewind, revise, dramatize, becoming less character and more spectator each time:

The tears in her eyes

The hand on his forehead

The rain caught in that night’s lungs

A voice screaming, “I never want to see you again.”

A car door slamming.

A basement.  A stairwell.  An empty room.  An opaque window. headlights leaving. Wheels leaving. Tail lights leaving. Friends leaving. Love leaving. Like leaving. Experiences leaving, turning into memories, turning into cinema.

 

We go to the movies in the rain because everything else looks blurry and dark.

 

I wonder with caution through today –

Today, when I could meet the love of my life

Today, when I could break my neck

Today, when I could break my record for how many sneezes I eject in a row

Today, another word for yesterday’s tomorrow and tomorrow’s yesterday,

Today, the epilogue for yesterday, the prelude to tomorrow,

Today, which will be over in (check watch) minutes

Today,

That I hope will be more than a cinematic enterprise. More than something  to make me wonder,

who was I when I wasn’t? Was I when I wasn’t?

Today, when my professor lectured on lacan

Today, which gave me a coffee exchange croissant

Today, that declared me sick because I declared it should

Why do we measure in days?

Couldn’t we go through our daily routine every, say, 35 hours?

the sun wouldn’t like that.

Him saying let’s be friends was like the sun telling the earth to inch away a bit please during summer solstice

He left the car running as I tried to run faster, hoping one day the tomorrow that seemed so distant would be today.

Hoping tonight would be yesterday.

Hoping that hoping gets me somewhere.

Hoping that hoping that hoping gets me somewhere gets me to tomorrow.

Today. Tomorrow. And Yesterday. mean the same thing when you look at the big picture.  It’s just a matter of perspective.

Though I can’t say everything is relative because that’s an absolute.

But now I’m getting ahead of myself –

Yet behind the self I will one day be.

Today will be over in (check watch) minutes

And who says that’s not a dimension? Three’s a pretty arbitrary number.

 

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